1. If he doesn’t answer, don’t keep sending texts. If he wanted to talk to you, he would’ve responded.
2. People will make time for you when they care about you. If he says he’s too busy or constantly cancels his plans, he doesn’t care. People fight for you when they care.
3. Don’t let him touch you on the first date. If he tries, he’s not there for the same reasons you are.
4. You can tell a lot about a person by their favorite book.
5. If he can stomach more than ten straight shots without feeling a thing, he drinks too much.
6. Ask the uncomfortable things. When was the last time he was so high he couldn’t speak? What does he regret the most? Does he drink to remember or to forget?
7. Don’t send pictures unless you want to. If he has to talk you into it, don’t do it. If you hesitate, don’t do it. If you do take a picture, don’t include your face. Keep yourself safe.
8. If you can’t laugh when you’re having sex with him, maybe you aren’t sleeping with the right person. Sex isn’t about tricks and tips and routines.
9. If he hurts you, cut him out. He’s gone, he isn’t coming back, and you don’t need to prolong the pain.
10. Don’t be afraid to open up again. I promise not everyone will love you with a knife behind their back."
I came home that night strangely in good spirits. I had made my peace and said what I needed to say. I somehow rationed I couldn’t hold negative emotions against someone who was couldn’t figure out the reasons for his own actions. My friends asked me how I felt about it all.
Against any and all good judgement, I wanted restart something purely temporary with him.
He showed me that he wasn’t all that interested in talking.
I stopped pursuing.
He left Taipei without saying good bye to me, the original reason for his visit.
I decided I didn’t want someone in my life that couldn’t bother himself to say farewell and severed my online ties with him.
He messaged me a couple weeks later with a “How are you?” message— an obvious insincere sign of care that was over 4 month too late.
I called him out on his verbal tiptoe and asked him to be direct with me, knowing full well his true intentions.
He played coy and patronizingly asked what was wrong.
Tired of his games, I said good bye and wished him well. I hope that he learns how to treat those he claims to care about.
He raised his online wall to block any possibility for future contact.
I conferred, debated, and discussed with the people closest to me. I know I came out the bigger person. I know this ending wasn’t my fault, but I can’t help feeling there was something more I could have done to avoid this.
From a clichéd whirlwind of circumstances that brought us together to a relationship now worse than strangers, this was how everything between us unraveled.
I consider myself an acrobat of relations in this community, a sort of tightrope walker. Every time I meet someone new I maintain constant balance on the rope, one meticulous step after another. When I reach the end, I walk on until I decide on the next rope to cross, all while staying high in the clouds. But every so often I allow myself to become a victim of gravity and fall. I fall not because of carelessness or miscalculation, but because landing in the net below seems far more thrilling than the journey across.
The goal is always to fall into the safety of the net and be cradled by the warm embrace of its soft woven threads. Despite every precaution I may take, I eventually slam into the ground every single time. Today was no exception. Only this time the full impact was delayed until now. Outcomes like this make me begin question my own judgement. I wonder if I have the ability at all to assess one’s moral fiber and character.
I’m disappointed in myself for letting someone as manipulative and disingenuous as you get so close.
Here I am sprawled on the ground. I’ll spend a day or two to recover and process all that has occurred. Then I’ll begin my climb back up the ladder into the maze of tightropes high above me.
I try to believe that everything happens for a reason. I pray that the universe puts into focus that reason soon.
NICE THOUGHTS CHALLENGE. Once you get this you have to say 5 nice things about yourself publicly and then send this to 10 of your favorite followers.
Tagged by ox-85.
1. I’ve been told that I smile a lot and I have a nice smile. People say it’s what they remember the most about me.
2. I’m a huge dork. I say and do random things all the time. For example, during my first time out in the Castro, I spoke in a British accent and jumped up hugging a tree shouting, “I am a koala!”
3. I have a pretty high metabolism. Most of the time I need to focus on gaining weight as opposed to losing it.
4. I like that I have the ability to speak. Through seven years of being a pretend lawyer and the past several months of teaching, I don’t have many problems when articulating my thoughts. I like to think I can be concise and well-spoken when I want to be.
5. I consider myself a loyal person. If I see you as a good friend, I would go to the ends of the Earth for you. I always try my best to put others before myself, and so far in life I think that mantra has done me well.
1. When you’re particularly proud of a written entry, and someone likes it long after it’s been posted.
2. When you find out a good friend totally called out someone that has wronged you in the past.